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Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Death Penalty

The Death Penalty

Execution in Iran
Execution in Iran
© WCADP

The death penalty is the ultimate cruel, inhuman and degrading punishment. It violates the right to life. It is irrevocable and can be inflicted on the innocent. It has never been shown to deter crime more effectively than other punishments.

Amnesty International works for an end to executions and the abolition of the death penalty everywhere.

Progress has been dramatic. In 1977 only 16 countries had abolished the death penalty for all crimes. Today the figure stands at 88.

Saddam Hussein Execution




Saddam Hussein was hanged on the first day of Eid ul-Adha, December 30, 2006 at approximately 06:00 local time (03:00 GMT). The execution took place at the Iraqi army base Camp Justice in Kazimain, northeast of Baghdad, a base once used by Saddam as his military intelligence headquarters, then known as Camp Banzai, where thousands of civilians were taken to be tortured and murdered in the same gallows. Contrary to initial reports, Saddam was executed alone, and not at the same time as his co-accused Barzan Ibrahim al-Tikriti and Awad Hamed al-Bandar, who will be executed after the Eid ul-Adha holiday.

At the time of his hanging, Saddam refused to wear a hood. Before he was hanged an Islamic prayer was read out to him and he repeated it. Film footage has been aired on American television up to the time of the noose being wrapped round his neck. Cell phone video has since been leaked to the Internet.

Methods of judicial hanging

Methods of judicial hanging

There are four methods of performing a judicial hanging — the short drop, suspension hanging, the standard drop, and the long drop. Medical experts consider hanging, properly done, to be the most humane form of judicial execution.[citation needed]

The short drop

The short drop is done by placing the condemned person on the back of a cart, horse, or other vehicle, with the noose around his neck. The vehicle is then moved away leaving the person dangling from the rope. Prior to 1850, it was the main method used. It is still used widely in Middle Eastern countries.[citation needed] A ladder was also commonly used with the condemned being forced to ascend, after which the noose was tied and the ladder pulled away or turned, leaving the victim hanging. A person hanged in this way would be said to have been "turned off".

Suspension hanging

Suspension hanging is similar, except the gallows themselves are movable, so that the noose can be raised once the condemned is in place. This method is currently used in Iran, where tank gun barrels or mobile cranes are used to hoist the condemned into the air. Similar methods involve running the rope through a pulley to allow raising of the person.



The standard drop, which arrived as calculated in English units, involved a drop of between four to six feet (1.2 to 1.8 meters) and came into use in the mid 19th century in English-speaking countries and those where judicial systems were under English influence. It was considered an advance on the short drop because it was intended to be sufficient to break the person's neck, causing immediate paralysis and immobilization (and perhaps immediate unconsciousness--though this matter is questioned).
off."

This process, also known as the measured drop, was introduced in 1872 by William Marwood as a scientific advancement to the standard drop. Instead of everyone falling the same standard distance, the persons's weight was used to determine how much slack would be provided in the rope so that the distance dropped would be enough to ensure that the neck was broken.

Prior to 1892, the drop was between four and ten feet (about one to three meters), depending on the weight of the body, and was calculated to deliver a force of 1,260 lbf (5,600 newtons or 572 kgf), which fractured the neck at either the 2nd and 3rd or 4th and 5th cervical vertebrae. However, this force resulted in some decapitations, such as the famous case of "Black Jack" Tom Ketchum in New Mexico in 1901 (see illustration). Between 1892 and 1913, the length of the drop was shortened to avoid doing so. After 1913, other factors were also taken into account and the force delivered was reduced to about 1000 lbf (4,400 N or 450 kgf). (see also British Official Table of Drops)

Amnesty International deplores death sentences in Saddam Hussein trial

Amnesty International deplores death sentences in Saddam Hussein trial

Saddam Hussein reacts as the verdict is delivered during his trial in Baghdad
Saddam Hussein reacts as the verdict is delivered during his trial in Baghdad

"Every accused has a right to a fair trial, whatever the magnitude of the charge against them. This plain fact was routinely ignored through the decades of Saddam Hussein's tyranny."
- Malcolm Smart, Director of Amnesty International's Middle East and North Africa Programme.


The Supreme Iraqi Criminal Tribunal (SICT) imposed the death sentence on Saddam Hussein and two of his seven co-accused on Sunday, 6 November, after a trial that was deeply flawed and unfair. The former Iraqi dictator was sentenced in connection with the killing of 148 people from al-Dujail village after an attempt to assassinate him there in 1982.

The trial began in October 2005, almost two years after Saddam Hussein was captured by US forces, and ended last July. The verdict was originally due to be announced on 16 October, but was delayed because the court said it needed more time to review testimony.

"This trial should have been a major contribution towards establishing justice and the rule of law in Iraq and in ensuring truth and accountability for the massive human rights violations perpetrated by Saddam Hussein’s rule," said Malcolm Smart.

"In practice, it has been a shabby affair, marred by serious flaws that call into question the capacity of the tribunal, as currently established, to administer justice fairly, in conformity with international standards.

"[Saddam Hussein's] overthrow opened the opportunity to restore the basic right [to a fair trial] and, at the same time, to ensure, fairly, accountability for the crimes of the past. It is an opportunity missed and made worse by the imposition of the death penalty."

Amnesty International (AI) has been monitoring the trial and finds that political interference undermined the independence and impartiality of the court, prompting the first presiding judge to resign and blocking the appointment of another. The court failed to take adequate measures to ensure the protection of witnesses and defence lawyers, three of whom were assassinated during the course of the trial.

Saddam Hussein was also denied access to legal counsel for the first year after his arrest, and complaints by his lawyers throughout the trial relating to the proceedings do not appear to have been adequately answered by the tribunal.

The case is now expected to go for appeal before the SICT's Cassation Panel following which, if the verdict were to be upheld, those sentenced to death are to be executed within 30 days. AI will now follow closely the appeal stage, where the evidence, as well as the application of the law can be reviewed, and the SICT has an opportunity to redress the flaws of the previous proceedings.

However, given the grave nature of the flaws in the process and the fact that many of them continue to afflict the current trial before the SICT, where Saddam Hussein is accused of genocide and other crimes during the Anfal campaign against Iraqi Kurds, AI urges the Iraqi government to seriously consider other options. These could include adding international judges to the tribunal, or referring the case to an international tribunal -- an option suggested by the UN Working Group on Arbitrary Detention last September.

Buddhism & Capital Punishment

There is a global trend against capital punishment. Most nations in the developed world and an increasing number of nations in the developing world have officially abolished the death penalty. Similarly, there is an abolitionist movement in the realm of international law. However, matters are quite different in the United States where the United States Supreme Court in Gregg v. Georgia permitted the resumption of executions by the states after the hiatus brought about by Furman v. Georgia.

If public opinion polls are to be believed, the general concept of capital punishment remains popular in the United States today. Politicians are well aware of this. In the spring of 1995 New York rejoined the ranks of states with the death penalty. A majority of states have laws providing for the death penalty even though the number of actual executions remains relatively low when compared to the population of inmates on death rows across the nation.

In recent years the Supreme Court has repeatedly come out in favor of the death penalty. For instance, the mentally retarded may be executed. Likewise, minors may be executed. Such decisions go against what appears to be the general evolution of international law.

Yet perhaps the most dramatic and disturbing example of the Supreme Court's recent support of the death penalty is Herrera v. Collins where the existence of evidence supporting the petitioner's claim of actual innocence was not proper grounds for federal habeas corpus relief. In other words, in Herrera, the Supreme Court was willing to allow a person who was possiblyice is not just something to study, it is a way of living, a way to be safe and to lead a better life. It is a way of taking responsibility for our actions. And for those of us who will be getting out someday, it will not guilty to be executed despite documented claims of actual innocence and related federal constitutional arguments based on the Eighth Amendment's prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment and the Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments' guarantee of due process of law.

The implications of Herrera are especially tragic when one realizes that a surprisingly large number of Americans have been wrongly convicted of capital crimes. Some of these individuals have also been executed. In the United Kingdom, the execution of a man who later turned out to possibly be not guilty served as an impetus toward doing away with capital punishment for murder in that country. In any event, as is the case with capital punishment in the United States generally, race and class play a role in determining who is more likely to be executed in spite of innocence.

Regardless of how the current Supreme Court may interpret the Constitution, as Mr. Justice William Brennan once pointed out: ?At bottom, the battle [over the death penalty] has been waged on moral grounds.? Taking this statement from Brennan as a cue, it is useful to look at religious perspectives on the death penalty.

It should perhaps come as no surprise that within the United States, Jewish and Christian religious bodies have not spoken with one voice on capital punishment. In the broad Judeo-Christian tradition, biblical passages have been quoted by retentionists and abolitionists alike in support of their respective positions. While it might be one thing for certain Jews to quote the Hebrew Bible in support of capital punishment, it is striking that so many Christians support capital punishment. After all, Jesus (4 BC?-29 AD?) remains the world's most famous executed criminal defendant.

Be that as it may, very little has been written regarding Buddhist views on capital punishment. The author intends to help remedy this deficiency. What follows, therefore, is a Buddhist perspective on the death penalty based upon Buddhist thought and history. This article should be seen as being just that. In other words, what is about to be presented is merely one possible perspective, albeit one that has considerable support in the corpus of Buddhist literature and the experience of Buddhism as a living religion existing in various cultures over the past two and a half millennia.

II. BUDDHIST TEACHINGS

Buddhism is a rich tradition with an extensive body of religious literature. This literature has been referred to by the author in developing a systematic Buddhist perspective on the death penalty. The nature and purpose of the texts vary, but the major themes of the texts point toward a definite stance which is clearly within the spirit of the Buddhist outlook on the human condition.

A. Panca-sila

A logical starting point from which to begin considering a Buddhist perspective on the death penalty would be Buddhism's most basic set of training rules for personal spiritual development known as the panca-sila or five precepts. These basic rules of good conduct are for all Buddhists, lay or ordained.

The very first, and arguably most important, precept is the training rule of abstaining from taking life. The four other training rules are: abstaining from taking what is not given; abstaining from sexual misconduct; abstaining from false speech; and abstaining from intoxicants.

Abstaining from the destruction of life encourages the development of compassion (karuna) for all beings. Moreover, Buddhism teaches that all sentient beings (sattva) are fundamentally good. All sentient beings possess what is known as Buddha-nature (buddhata). Having Buddha-nature means that all sentient beings can eventually realize enlightenment/awakening (bodhi) and thereby become Buddhas i.e., Awakened Ones. Hence, Buddhism is universalistic. Everyone has great spiritual potential waiting to be unleashed no matter how depraved they might look.

All life is to be treasured. It matters not how lowly such life may seem. Treasuring the lives of those who, in many cases, have not valued lives of others is an act of spiritual courage. This notion supports nonviolence/non-harming (ahimsa) which leads to the advocation of such wholesome causes as world peace and vegetarianism. Taking a strong stance against the death penalty is a logical outgrowth of any religion or philosophy based upon nonviolence.

Another aspect of ahimsa is the notion of karma, ?action? or ?deed.? At the risk of oversimplification, there is good as well as bad karma. We are influenced by karma from the past and we create new karma in acts of free will as we live our lives. Killing is simply bad karma.

The author will now turn to additional textual support for a Buddhist position against all forms and cases of capital punishment

B. The Dhammapada

One of the most important religious texts for Buddhism is a poetic collection of aphorisms known as the Dhammapada or Dharmapada. This work is preserved in Pali and in other ancient languages. The title means roughly ?Path of Dhamma? (Sanskrit: Dharma). The term dharma/dhamma can be translated in any number of ways depending upon the context. ?Law,? ?righteousness,? ?merit,? ?quality,? ?cause,? and ?religious teachings? are among some of the approximate meanings of this key concept in Indian thought.

The initial verses of Chapter 10 of the Dhammapada speak of killing: ?Everyone fears punishment; everyone fears death, just as you do. Therefore do not kill or cause to kill. Everyone fears punishment; everyone loves life, as you do. Therefore do not kill or cause to kill.?

In Chapter 26, the final chapter of the Dhammapada, we find a related passage: ?Him I call a brahmin who has put aside weapons and renounced violence toward all creatures. He neither kills nor helps others to kill.?

C. Janasandha-Jataka

This jataka is a story said to be told by the Buddha to the King of Kosala It tells the tale of a certain Prince Janasandha, the son of King Brahmadatta of Banaras:

Now when [Prince Janasandha] came of age, and had returned from Takkasila, where he had been educated in all accomplishments, the king gave a general pardon to all prisoners, and gave him the viceroyalty. Afterwards when his father died, he became king, and then he caused to be built six almonries.... There day by day he used to distribute six hundred pieces of money and stirred up all India with his almsgiving: the prison doors he opened for good and all, the places of execution he destroyed....

Abolition of the death penalty is a regular theme in Buddhism, as we shall see below.

D. Rajaparikatha-ratnamala

The Rajaparikatha-ratnamala or ?The Precious Garland of Advice for the King? is a treatise attributed to the famous South Indian Buddhist philosopher Nagarjuna (2nd or 3rd century AD). In this work on Buddhist statecraft, Nagarjuna gives King Udayi of the Satavahana Dynasty advice on a variety of matters. Here is how Nagarjuna handles capital punishment:

O King, through compassion you should always<>

Banishment or exile has been employed as a form of sanction in various pre-modern Asian legal systems. Indeed, banishment has also been employed at times in the West. Although banishment obviously entails psychological and physical hardships, it is certainly to be preferred to death. Moreover, it can protect the convicted defendant from the possible wrath of friends or family of the victim.

E. Avatamsaka-sutra

Another, albeit rather unusual, treatment of capital punishment comes from the lengthy and highly symbolic Avatamsaka-sutra which is also known as the Buddhavatamsaka-sutra. This sutra or scripture tells the saga of a bodhisattva named Sudhana-sresthidaraka, or simply Sudhana. Sudhana is on a pilgrimage to visit various spiritual teachers whom he is told to seek out for guidance.

One of the teachers is a king named Anala. King Anala lives in an indescribably beautiful palace in a far off, magical land; yet, he does have a crime problem. To keep the populace in line, he conjures up frightful images of prisoners on which he passes judgement and then has brutally executed or otherwise severely tortured.

In reality, the King does not harm anyone because the prisoners as well as the penal officers are all just illusions. As the King explains to the seeker, these magical projections are meant to be acts of compassion to get actual people to give up evil.

Obviously, this passage is symbolic and should, therefore, not be taken literally. It does, however, point to the centrality of compassion in Buddhist legal and social thought. Admittedly, the passage could be literally construed to support capital punishment along with deterrence as a goal of penal policy, but, again, the notion of compassion is more important here. In addition, the context must be remembered viz., this is an especially mystical text.

F. Muga-Pakkha-Jataka

This jataka, said to be told by the Buddha to his monks, illustrates that punishment can affect those who impose it as well as those being directly punished. The Muga-Pakkha-Jataka makes this point graphically. The story revolves around the young prince and only child of King Kasiraja named Temiya-kumaro.

Temiya is an extremely sensitive child. One day when he is only a month old he is playing with his father, the King. The King is then called upon to judge four robbers. The King sentences the first to be whipped a thousand times, the second to be imprisoned in chains, the third to be killed by a spear, and the fourth to be impaled. Overcome by the karmic consequences of his father's actions and fearing what would become of him if he did the same after succeeding to the throne, Temiya refuses to speak or act like a normal child for the next sixteen years.

Finally, Temiya solves his dilemma by becoming a recluse and converting the royal household and many others. This story parallels the life story of the historical Buddha who grew up in a palace, but renounced the world in order to seek spiritual truth.

G. Angulimala-sutta

The final text under examination is a famous sutra dealing with the power of rehabilitation. The text is known as the Angulimala-sutta or the ?Discourse with Angulimala.? It is a part of the Majjhima-nikaya, or Medium Length Discourses, of the Pali Canon.

Here the reader meets a much-feared robber and murderer by the name of Angulimala which literally means ?Garland of Fingers.? The namesake garland was said to have been made by using the fingers of his victims.

Understandably, the locals are all afraid of Angulimala. Nonetheless, the Buddha, who is staying in the area at the time, insists on heading alone down the road where Angulimala is believed to be hiding. Through his unique persona, the Buddha manages to convert Angulimala and ordain him as a monk.

Meanwhile, the King, urged by the public, heads out with large entourage to find the evil Angulimala. He comes across the Buddha and explains his situation. The Buddha then shows him the reformed Angulimala living peacefully as a monk. The King is quite taken back by all this. He is amazed at how the Buddha was able to change Angulimala.

This points to a Buddhist notion of rehabilitation. Naturally, rehabilitation and capital punishment are mutually exclusive concepts. Nevertheless, in strictly moral terms, Angulimala still had previously created considerable bad karma, and he would eventually die a painful, accidental death because of this. Yet, rehabilitation is clearly the main theme of this text.

Rehabilitation enables the convicted criminal defendant to realize his or her mistakes and to attempt to avoid them in the future. In Buddhist terms, a rehabilitated offender, even a murderer, will remember his or her Buddha-nature. For society, reforming a wrongdoer means regaining a productive member who can somehow contribute to the general welfare.

III. BUDDHIST RULERS

In the history of Asia certain rulers have eagerly embraced Buddhism. Many other rulers were Buddhist with a somewhat lesser degree of interest in the religion. As a result of their religion, some Buddhist rulers did away with the death penalty, while some did not. In the subsections that follow, the author has selected a few representative examples of Buddhist political leaders who had little use for the death penalty.

A. ASOKA

In discussing famous Buddhist political leaders, it is difficult to avoid making some reference to the Indian Emperor Asoka (269?-232? B.C.). Asoka, also spelled Ashoka, ruled an empire that controlled a large portion of South Asia. He actively promoted Buddhism throughout his empire and beyond.

Despite his fondness for the ideal of ahimsa and his apparent dislike of capital punishment, Asoka might (or might not) have retained the death penalty, and thus he possibly allowed some executions to take place. This has been a matter of some debate.

B. SOME OTHER SOUTH ASIAN RULERS

An early Chinese pilgrim to India, the monk Fa-Hsien (337?-422?), writes of an abolitionist Buddhist king:

The king [of Mid-India] governs without
decapitation [i.e., capital punishment
generally] or (other) corporal punishments.
Criminals are simply fined, lightly or
heavily, according to the circumstances (of
each case). Even in cases of repeated attempts
at wicked rebellion [i.e., treason], they
only have their right hands cut off....
Throughout the country the people do not
kill any living creature, nor drink
intoxicating liquor, nor eat onions or garlic.

The lack of a death penalty here is noteworthy when it is recalled that pre-modern societies often executed people for a wide variety of offenses. Indeed, Mid-India holds up rather well even by today's standards, let alone those of many centuries ago.

Hye Ch'o, an eighth-century Korean monk, made a pilgrimage to India similar to Fa-Hsien's, yet about three centuries later. He too describes Buddhist kings in central India who rule without resort to the death penalty: ?The national laws of the five regions of India prescribe no cangue, beatings or prison. Those who are guilty are fined in accordance with the degree of the offence committed. There is no capital punishment.? Hye Ch'o found an almost identical situation in West India: ?Here there is no cangue, beating, prison, capital punishment, and similar affairs.?

A similar situation in another ancient land is described by the sixth-century Chinese pilgrims Sung Yun and Hui Sheng:

[W]e entered Ouchang country (Oudyana). On the north this country borders the Tsung Ling mountains; on the south it skirts India....The king of the country religiously observes a vegetable diet.... After mid-day he devotes himself to the affairs of government. Supposing a man has committed murder, they do not suffer him to be killed, they only banish him to the desert mountains, affording him just food enough to keep him alive (lit. a bit and a sup). [In doubtful legal cases] after examination, the punishment is adjusted according to the serious or trivial character of attending circumstances.

Earlier we met King Udayi, the person to whom Nagarjuna addressed his treatise. As is all too often the case with pre-modern Indian history, there is precious little detailed information on the nature of King Udayi's reign, but it does appear to have been a gentle one. Presumably, Nagarjuna's advice was not completely ignored.

C. EARLY JAPANESE EMPERORS

Pre-modern Japanese governments were often harsh on prisoners. Even today Japan retains the death penalty. Yet, there was a time when Japan did not have the death penalty. In 724 AD, Emperor Shomu (r. 724-749), a devout Buddhist and follower of the Kegon School who built Todai-ji, a famous temple that still stands in Nara, forbade the use of the death penalty. This was during the end of the Nara Period (715-794). Likewise, there were very few executions during the Heian Period (794-1185).

D. DALAI LAMA XIII

Thubten Gyatso, Dalai Lama XIII of Tibet (1876-1933), was the predecessor of the current Dalai Lama i.e., Tenzin Gyatso, Dalai Lama XIV (born 1935) . The Thirteenth Dalai Lama struggled to modernize Tibet and to maintain the country's sovereignty against the British and later the Chinese. He also reformed Tibet's feudal legal system. Among the changes was the abolition of the death penalty by about 1920. Before that time the Dalai Lama would avoid any direct involvement in cases of capital punishment because of his religious role.

IV. CAPITAL PUNISHMENT AND HUMAN RIGHTS IN OFFICIALLY BUDDHIST NATIONS

Although in pre-modern times Buddhism managed to spread throughout virtually all of Asia, most Asian countries with large Buddhist populations today have secular governments. Nevertheless, in contemporary Asia there are four nations that have Buddhism as the state religion. These nations are: Bhutan, Cambodia, Sri Lanka, and Thailand. Bhutan, which lacks a true written constitution, follows Mahayana or, more accurately, Vajrayana Buddhism, whereas the other three all follow Theravada Buddhism. Of the four nations, only Sri Lanka has a republican form of government. The remaining three are all kingdoms with varying degrees of popular representation. How do modern governments that claim some official connection with Buddhism approach the issue of capital punishment?

Currently, of the four nations, only Cambodia has clearly eliminated the death penalty. This recent reform has been enshrined in Article 32 of The Constitution of the Kingdom of Cambodia (1993).

Capital punishment remains on the books in Bhutan and Thailand alike. However, both King Jigme Singye Wanchuk of Bhutan and King Bhumibol Alduyadej (Rama IX) of Thailand have been following a policy of commuting death sentences. Apparently, official executions have not taken place in either country for a number of years. This is a welcomed development. Hopefully, the governments of Bhutan and Thailand will each see fit to formally outlaw capital punishment in the near future.

Sri Lanka stands out as the most disappointing of the four. The Sri Lankan government actually appears to be moving toward increasing use of executions. As it should be clear by now, such practice is hard to justify from a Buddhist point of view. If the Sri Lankan government takes its Buddhism seriously, then it should, at very least, reduce the number of executions being carried out.

V. CONCLUSION

An abolitionist stance on capital punishment finds strong support in Buddhist thought and history. Compassion fosters a deep respect for the dignity of all forms of life. The lives of convicted criminal defendants do have value.

Society should strive to rehabilitate all prisoners to enable them to awaken to their inherent potential for goodness and spiritual growth. Capital punishment is anathema to rehabilitation. One obviously cannot rehabilitate a dead inmate. Furthermore, retribution, which would arguably be the strongest reason for retaining the death penalty, is not in keeping with the compassionate spirit of Buddhism.

That Buddhism should speak out against capital punishment is significant because Buddhism is a world religion in its own right. Buddhism has had a profound impact on the major civilizations of Asia. Moreover, Buddhism enjoys a modest yet growing presence in the United States and elsewhere outside of Asia. Finally, an American Buddhist perspective on the death penalty can help inform the on going debate surrounding capital punishment among Americans, much as Gandhian ahimsa has positively influenced some Christians and non-Christians in the United States to strive for racial harmony and social justice.

http://www.engaged-zen.org/articles/Damien_P_Horigan-Buddhism_Capital_Punishment.html

Capital punishment, or the death penalty


Capital punishment, or the death penalty, is the execution of a convicted criminal by the state as punishment for crimes known as capital crimes or capital offences.

Historically, the execution of criminals and political opponents was used by nearly all societies - both to punish crime and to suppress political dissent. Among democratic countries around the world, most European (all of the European Union), Latin American, and many Pacific Area states (including Australia, New Zealand and Timor Leste) have abolished capital punishment, while the United States, Guatemala, and most of the Caribbean as well as some democracies in Asia and Africa retain it. Among nondemocratic countries, the use of the death penalty is common but not universal.



In most places that practice capital punishment today, the death penalty is reserved as a punishment for premeditated murder, espionage, treason, or as part of military justice. In some countries with a Muslim majority, sexual crimes, including adultery and sodomy, carry the death penalty, as do religious crimes such as apostasy from Islam, the formal renunciation of one's religion. In many retentionist countries (countries that use the death penalty), drug trafficking is also a capital offense. In China human trafficking and serious cases of corruption are also punished by the death penalty. In militaries around the world courts-martial have imposed death sentences for offenses such as cowardice, desertion, insubordination, and mutiny. [1]

Capital punishment is a contentious issue. Supporters of capital punishment argue that it deters crime, prevents recidivism, and is an appropriate punishment for the crime of murder. Opponents of capital punishment argue that it does not deter criminals more than life imprisonment, violates human rights, leads to executions of some who are wrongfully convicted, and discriminates against minorities and the poor. It is also argued that capital punishment is a hypocritical punishment, especially in murder cases, as it implies killing a certain individual is wrong before exacting the same action upon them.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Anxiety - when you are worrying about things

Anxiety - when you are worrying about things

anxiety; worry; anxious; phobias; scared; fear; nervous ;


  • What happens to your body when you feel scared?
  • Why some people feel anxious
  • What are phobias?
  • What you can do
  • What some kids say
  • Dr Kate says

Feeling worried at times is normal.

  • surfboardWhat if you have to do a talk in front of the class or be in a play or play a musical instrument in front of others - would you feel a bit scared?
  • What if you were learning to ride a bike or skateboard, or a surfboard - would you feel a bit scared?
  • Starting anything new, meeting new people or going to strange places - would you feel a bit scared?
  • What if something bad happened to you or to someone you love, and you didn't know how things would turn out - would you feel a bit scared?

If you said yes to all of those things, then that is absolutely normal. Everyone would feel scared at those times - I would too!

Anxiety is when you often feel scared, and sometimes you are not sure why.

What happens to your body when you feel scared?

Ever since cave men days people have felt scared sometimes. Imagine trying to hunt a big mammoth [a kind of huge woolly elephant] for tea! Wouldn’t you feel scared?
anxiety The human body developed a special way to deal with situations where it was in any danger. It is called the 'Fight or flight' response.
All this means is that:
* the body produces more adrenalin to make the heart beat faster and more strongly
* the heart pumps more blood into the muscles so that they can work harder
* more blood pumps into the brain so that it can think faster
* breathing gets faster to get more oxygen into the body
* the pupils in the eyes get bigger to see better
* at the same time the body slows down digestion of food
* the body also slows down making urine (wee).

All of these things happen so that the body is ready to stay and fight or run away.

Well, we don't have to go hunting for our dinner any more, but as we discovered at the beginning of this topic, there are still lots of times when we feel scared or anxious, so our bodies get all fired up the way that bodies always have done with the 'fight or flight' response.

exercising If we don't need to fight or run away we are left with these feelings in our bodies and may need to find a way to deal with them, like go for a run, dance, shout or sing out loud to use up all that extra energy.

Why some people feel anxious

* People who have had bad things happen to them or their families can often feel anxious for a lot of the time.
* Sometimes people may have an illness which makes them feel anxious. ambulance
* Sometimes people feel anxious and no-one can understand why.
* Sometimes feelings of anxiety can be inherited, that means that mum or dad may feel anxious a lot of the time and their kids do too.
* Sometimes worried feelings can be caused by some of the chemicals in the brain not working properly - a bit like leaving a light switched on all the time, only the light being switched on is the 'fight or flight response'.

What are phobias?

anxietyPhobias [say fo-be- uz] are a special type of fear, where the fear is much, much bigger than the danger. Kids may be really scared of something like spiders or ants or black cats or high places and they will try to avoid the thing they fear. People can have a phobia about all kinds of things like heights, unlucky numbers, a day of the week and many other things, even if most people don't think there is anything to fear.

Sometimes phobias can be so strong that people will not want to leave their home or even their room in case they come across the thing they are afraid of. If something is scaring you so badly ask mum or dad to take you for a talk with your doctor. Don' try to deal with it all by yourself. There are people who can help you with this sort of fear. Your doctor will understand and won't think you're being silly.

What you can do

If your friend is a very anxious person then you may help by:
* being a good friend. anxiety
* being a good listener.
* not telling everyone else about her fears.
* helping your friend to feel good about herself.
* helping your friend to be more confident eg. practising her speech with her.
* giving positive comments.
* encouraging her to 'have a go' at different things.
* letting her know if you are feeling a bit scared about something so that she knows she is not the only one.
If you are anxious yourself:
anxiety * Talk with mum, dad or a trusted adult.
* Don't tell other kids about your fears unless you can really trust them -
some kids can be really cruel at times and they may tease you.
* Get plenty of exercise. It can take your mind off things, makes you feel good, and afterwards your body will feel relaxed.
* Look at our topic on sleep if you are not sleeping well; there may be some ideas that you find helpful.
* Ask mum or dad to take you to see the doctor if you are feeling worried all the time.
* Don't watch scary movies and videos even if all your friends say that they have (they probably haven’t been allowed to anyway!)
* Practise skills like reading out loud, giving a report, ball and bat skills, so that you feel confident enough to try when you are doing something in your class. anxiety
* Talk to your teacher about any fears you may have at school. He will help you work on some strategies for dealing with your fears.
* Negotiate to do something else if you are feeling really upset about something the class is doing.

What some kids say

"I am afraid that I may wet my pants. I never have since I was little, though."

"I was really scared about talking in front of the class but I enjoy it now." - Josh

"I am not good at sport but I have been practising throwing and catching a ball and I can do it now." - James

"I hate meeting new people, I feel sick but it's okay if I am with a friend." - Amy

Dr Kate says:

Switch on the TV, listen to the radio and we can hear so many scary things that are happening around the world and in our own country.
We can hear about them but we can’t do anything about them most of the time. It is not good for anyone, even adults, to listen to these bad stories all the time. It is a good idea for kids not to watch news programs unless there is something special that they want to see.

If you have fears and anxieties you may need help to decide which fears you can do something about and which you can't. You do not have to feel afraid all the time. You can get help to sort out your fears and deal with them. Then you can get on to the most important things like having fun with friends and family, enjoying learning at school with your friends and keeping fit, strong and healthy.
Dr Kate

Feeling scared
We don't like the dark
Or small critters that bite.
Strange noises that make us
Wake up in the night.
But, I felt scared of everything
Until you were my friend
Now we have each other
My fears are at an end.

Tips for Healthy Holiday Eating


Tips for Healthy Holiday Eating







Worried about eating too much during the holidays? Want to limit the sweets your children have? Try these easy tips to keep holiday eating under control.

  • Make time for regular, healthy meals so that you and the kids don't get too hungry and snack on sweet treats.
  • Big holiday party? Have a healthy snack before hand to take the edge off your hunger to stop overeating. Talk with your children ahead of time about what foods to choose, taking small portions, skipping seconds, and sharing desserts.
  • Focus on friends at holiday gatherings, rather than food.
  • Planning on sugar filled pies such as chess or pecan? Switch to pumpkin or sweet potato—that way you'll get less fat, less sugar, and more vitamins, minerals and flavor.
  • Keep healthy snacks—like fresh fruit—handy. Try a snack mix of low-sugar cereals like Cheerios, Total, and Chex. For older children add raisins, pretzels, and sunflower seeds.
  • Make healthy snacks fun! Serve them in muffin liners, wrap in plastic wrap and tie with red and green ribbon.
  • Making holiday cookies? Cut fat by one-third and sugar by one-third. Use applesauce in place of most of the oil.
  • Try oatmeal cookies with cranberries instead of chocolate chip bars, fudge, or other sugar-based treats. The extra fiber fills you up so you're less likely to overdo it on sweets. Make fewer kinds of cookies or candy. People usually want to try each type of sweet on a tray, so just bake one or two favorites.
  • Instead of making sugar cookies with your kids, roll out bread dough very thin (you can even use the frozen kind to save time), cut with cookie cutters, sprinkle lightly with cinnamon and sugar, let rise, then bake for a taste treat that's low in fat and sugar.

Friday, December 15, 2006

why we cry ?


Cry, Baby
I first cried on the day I was born. Like most babies, I cried at a pitch between C and C-sharp. Yet my mom could pick me out by the sound. I cried because it was all I could do, the only tool I had to summon food and comfort. I cried more and more for the first 6 weeks of my life, then at a steady rate — mostly in the evening — until I was 12 weeks old, when I began to cry less. That was also when I started to cry tears you could see.





Tears — made up of mucus, water, and oil — had already been moving across my eyes every time I blinked. These constant, involuntarily produced "basal tears" — from 5 to 10 ounces a day — drain through small holes in the corners of the eyelids into the nasal cavity, which is why your nose runs when you cry.

Just at the point when I was beginning to smile and make eye contact and coo responsively, though, I was also learning to use my crying more cleverly, experimenting with pitch and duration and tone. And my tears overwhelmed my body's drainage system, spilling over my eyelids. Puling gets old. But who can resist a baby's tears?

Not even a baby, it seems. Whenever my mother set me beside a crying playmate, I would start up. Mom laughed, but NYU psychology professor emeritus Martin Hoffman, Ph.D., thinks I was demonstrating that empathy is one of the first emotions humans experience. Babies don't usually cry when they hear recordings of their own crying — but do when they hear that of others.

64 Cries per Year
Randy Cornelius, Ph.D., a psychology professor at Vassar College, is one of only a few dozen scientists in the world who study tears. The dearth of researchers may be due to the thorniness of even the simplest questions about crying. For instance: Why do women cry more than men?

"We're not sure," says Dr. Cornelius, who despite his sorrowful specialty is quite cheery. "There's been speculation it has to do with the way male and female brains are put together. But that hasn't panned out yet." He points out that up until children start school, boys and girls cry at equal rates, which suggests a societal root: Parents let girls sniffle but crack down on crybaby boys as they grow. The discrepancy could be an evolutionary adaptation, though. Crying, Dr. Cornelius says, is how we signal to other humans that we're vulnerable and in need. Women are good at vulnerability; we share our emotions as a sign of trust, and that trust helps us survive. But a male Survivor contestant who bursts into tears might as well tattoo "Vote Me Off" on his chest.

One substance being studied in connection with crying is the hormone prolactin, levels of which increase in women during puberty, menstruation, pregnancy, and breastfeeding, as well as when we're under stress. We average up to 60 percent more prolactin in our bodies than men. William Frey, Ph.D., biochemist and author of Crying: The Mystery of Tears, theorizes that prolactin lowers women's emotional bar by stimulating the endocrine system, which makes us more prone to tears.

And we do cry more — on average, 64 times a year, compared with 17 times for men. We cry when we're sad or frustrated or angry, whereas men cry at major losses, like death; when they get frustrated, they just get mad. Ask a man the last time he cried in front of someone else and chances are he'll have a hard time remembering. A woman won't.


why we cry



But a funny thing happens as we reach midlife. Women cry less and get angry more — just as our levels of female hormones drop off, leaving a higher concentration of the male hormone testosterone. In men, a decline in testosterone makes for increased impact from their female hormones. And guess what? As guys get older, they get angry less — and cry more.

Two Sources for Tears
As physical creatures, we're accustomed to straightforward cause and effect: You scrape your knee and you bleed. So we're mystified by the link between our physical nature and our emotions. How do we get from hurt feelings to tears?

Crying, explains Darlene Dartt, Ph.D., a cellular physiologist at Harvard's Schepens Eye Research Institute, started out as a protective response mechanism. There are sensory nerves in the cornea, just like the pain nerves in your skin. When you walk into a strong wind or slice into an onion, the nerves in the eye send impulses to the brain stem, which regulates involuntary processes like heartbeat, swallowing, and breathing. The brain stem releases hormones that travel to the glands along the eyelids and tell them to produce tears, which wash away the irritant. These are "reflex tears."

But the nerves in the cornea also reach higher in the brain, into the cerebrum, and that's where "emotional tears" — the kind you shed watching Titanic — get their start. When Jack Dawson dies, you feel sad. Your sorrow is registered in the cerebrum, which signals the endocrine system to release hormones that travel to the eyelid glands and generate tears. It's no coincidence, it seems, that the cerebrum is also the part of the brain that controls speech. Crying is a form of communication, likely the earliest form, and certainly the one we use first.

Why do we cry when we're sad rather than when we're, say, curious? One of the first crying researchers, Paul D. MacLean, M.D., Ph.D., an NIH neuroscientist emeritus, linked it to an ancient ritual; he speculated that as early humans cremated dead loved ones, the reflex tears produced by the smoky pyres combined with the emotional devastation our ancestors felt. The result was an inexorable connection between death and tears, sadness and sobbing.

A Teary Time of the Month?
I try to control my crying. But once a month, I lose the battle. Two days before my period begins, I fall into a bottomless emotional pit in which I sob for, well, no good reason at all. You know what I'm talking about.

Which is why you won't be any happier than I am with Ad Vingerhoets, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the Tilburg University in the Netherlands. Dr. Vingerhoets's studies show that while in Western cultures women link crying to their menstrual cycles, in non-Western cultures, they don't. What's more, when we keep diaries of when we cry, there's no correlation whatsoever between weeping and menstruation, regardless of where we live.

Heresy!

It could be that we connect crying to menstruation because we like to think of tears as part of our deeper, uncontrollable animal nature; that gives us permission to indulge in those cry-till-you-gag jags. Yet how can tears be animalistic when we're the only animals that cry? It's more likely that we weep because we're so highly evolved — because our minds tease out endless ribbons of regret and conjecture and what if. Tears, says Tom Lutz, author of Crying: The Natural and Cultural History of Tears, distract us from all that inner anxiety by sending us off to find a Kleenex and blow our noses. They relieve our turmoil by refocusing our attention from the mental to the physical.

In that sense, tears are about buying time until we heal. An English scientist who set out to determine what sort of music makes us cry found we tear up when a grace note delays the return to the tonic — the base note in a scale. We know what we expect from a melody. When our expectations are thwarted, we weep. If there's any constant to crying, it may be that our bodies and minds seek a return to balance, an equilibrium. When a baby sobs for its mother, or a teenager weeps at a friend's betrayal, or a woman mourns her dead husband, the common thread is a longing for happiness once had but lost. Tears are our response to life's unfairness. We cry to try to make things right.

Appeared in the October 2006 issue of Women's Health


Definitions of cry on the Web:




  • shout: utter a sudden loud cry; "she cried with pain when the doctor inserted the needle"; "I yelled to her from the window but she couldn't hear me"
  • shed tears because of sadness, rage, or pain; "She cried bitterly when she heard the news of his death"; "The girl in the wheelchair wept with frustration when she could not get up the stairs"
  • a loud utterance; often in protest or opposition; "the speaker was interrupted by loud cries from the rear of the audience"
  • exclaim: utter aloud; often with surprise, horror, or joy; "`I won!' he exclaimed"; "`Help!' she cried"; "`I'm here,' the mother shouted when she saw her child looking lost"
  • a loud utterance of emotion (especially when inarticulate); "a cry of rage"; "a yell of pain"
  • proclaim or announce in public; "before we had newspapers, a town crier would cry the news"; "He cried his merchandise in the market square"
  • demand immediate action; "This situation is crying for attention"
  • Sunday, December 10, 2006

    Women are verbose


    Women are verbose. They read the lines -- sometimes letter by letter, and oftentimes in between. What you say, notice and do, can reinforce her understanding of you and your perception of her. Whether she walks with womanly confidence, carries herself with girlish delight, exudes artlessness or glances away in tempting shyness, she will lap up honeyed words and bestow upon the giver her unfettered appreciation.


    Wouldn’t you like to be on the receiving end of such sweet happiness and burgeoning confidence? All you have to do is notice her, vocalize your observations, and be sincere. You need to give to receive. Let’s get started.
    The modern ladies’ man
    Each woman is uniquely beautiful and worthy of being cherished. This thought is what separates the connoisseurs of women and the mere laymen. Every woman has that certain something that distinguishes her from everyone else. Picking out the details and acknowledging them is what will set you apart in her mind.

    Think about it: What did your girl wear last night? What did she say? Did you notice the tilt of her head, the mischief she held in her eyes or the way she bit her lip? Any time you feel that visceral tug, the urge to muss and take, tell her why and how you feel as you do. Recognize those triggers and let her know what she does to you. She’ll feel like a sex kitten ready to purr at the stroke of your hands.
    The art of appreciation
    Maybe you noticed how the sun lights up her hair, or the motion of her hand tucking a curl behind her ear. You could have been stirred by the sound of her laugh or maybe you stared transfixed at the lines of her body. She may have taken extra care getting ready for you, and her clothes, hair, and makeup are looking extra sharp. It could be the luscious curves in those hip-hugger jeans, or the soft sweater that clings to her curves -- whatever it is that you’re noticing, tell her about it.

    Now, how you tell her becomes important: Be aware of how body-conscious she is. If she doesn’t like her big behind and you do, don’t go smacking it saying, “Giddyup!” Do tell her how you feel about her curves, though. Or show her how those curves turn you on. In any observation and subsequent vocalization, you need to maintain your own identity and your own voice.

    How to remark on her physical attributes
    The uniqueness and spontaneity of your sentiment will signal to her your sincerity. You don’t want her to think your compliments are a ploy to get into her intimate graces, so change it up a little. Remark on her physical attributes as well as the nonphysical. Sometimes even the oddest turned phrases, when said with heart, come across with more impact than a safe trite and overused phrase.

    Imagine those instances where a quiet lull in conversation emerges. Use that moment to your advantage and tell her something you see in her. A simple “You’re beautiful” can be elaborated upon. Make your focus go from the mere physical to the emotional and character-based observations.

    You could comment on the beauty that draws you. Maybe it’s her kindness and giving nature or her compassion and humility that you like. It could be the way she thanked the waiter after he took her order or how she positively influences you. Though a woman can never tire of hearing about how she entangles you sexually, if she is struck by the simplicity of a comment on her nature, she will be ensnared by you.
    botched compliments
    Flippant, lazy, demi-compliments will speed you into the girlfriendless zone where foot-in-mouth disease runs rampant. Women know games and can perceive ulterior motives. Insincere compliments have a most damaging effect on her trust in you. If she can’t trust the words that you say, she will question from that day forth the sincerity of your words. The tone of your voice, your countenance and the words you use dictate her reception to them are all things she picks up on. For example, telling her she’s beautiful without making eye contact and with a monotone voice and roaming eyes will quickly earn you a mental wake-up slap from her.

    Avoid the ugly compliments: These comments are so twisted and turned in delivery that a woman knows this man isn't thinking about what he's saying. She can tell he hasn’t had much experience with women because he lacks social graces. These awkward comments come out of insecure guys, so step up and get comfortable with the art of giving her positive reinforcement.
    major pointers
    1- Give her unexpected compliments/comments/observations. 2- Be observant, vocal and sincere. 3- Let it be known. Whenever and wherever; by action and word. For example, pick a safe spot to pull over while driving to kiss her or remark at her nice smile between a mouthful of dessert. 4- Be sensitive to her body-image issues. 5- Focus on nonsexual compliments to allay her worries about your motives.
    time to get verbal
    Women want the words and the actions and they want both to match on equal levels. You can do well for yourself and your girl by getting into a giving state of mind. Play her, pluck her, stroke her strings until she’s humming and vibrating under your fingertips. You’ll reap the more frequent and less self-conscious rewards of a happier, more comfortable and confident woman. After all, what goes around comes around.

    Monday, December 04, 2006

    8 Male Behaviors She Secretly Loves


    It’s hard to establish the exact characteristics that members of the opposite sex find attractive. While women fanatically ready themselves in anticipation for a date, men may drool over a sweaty gym bunny instead. Likewise, women aren’t always known for being the most straightforward when it comes to dishing on what they think is hot in a man. Most men have been nagged by girlfriends about some characteristic or other; but wouldn’t it be great to find out some of those behaviors are actually what keep your woman interested? Sometimes a woman can seem outwardly annoyed by a man’s behavior, but actually find it attractive. Confusing?
    Read on to find out if which of your “male” behaviors she secretly loves, and you may think twice about changing your ways.







    1- Being a man’s manAlthough it may seem like a woman wants a man who dresses up more than he acts up, sometimes a football-playing, nacho-eating, jersey-wearing guy can be more appealing than you‘d think. Now and again, she enjoys seeing you in your element getting to rescue her or fix stuff or goofing off with the guys.
    A woman doesn’t date a man in order to have a competitor for prettiest hair or shoes; it’s likely that the differences between the two of you are what attracted her in the first place. It is true that when you go out to the ballet or to a nice dinner, she’d like you to dress well and act better, but what she doesn’t admit is that, for the most part, she appreciates your masculinity, however unfinished it may be. You don’t always have to be dressing up or holding doors to have her hanging off your every word, just make sure your beer belches are kept well-timed and in the company of your buddies.

    2- Saying noHaving a mind of your own is a good thing, even if it means making her angry now and again. Guys tend to think that women want a boyfriend they can lead around by the nose, and who will do whatever he’s told. While it would be a relief to know things would happen exactly how she planned them, being in a relationship like that could get really, well, boring. Women want a guy who has something to offer in terms of opinions and conversations. They also want a man with a personality. If a man’s entire life is his woman, he won’t have much else to talk about, and there will be few surprises left.
    Also, women who enjoy being in power tend to enjoy being challenged once in a while (Read: A feisty argument can liven things up from time to time). So as much as she’ll have you believe that you should be under her control, don’t be fooled and don’t think that you need to be her pet boy to keep her hanging around. Keep your life and your habits, and just find ways to fit her in nicely.
    Don’t cancel on your buddies -- she’s turned on by your hectic social life…

    3- Having a strong sexual appetiteWhile it’s true that anybody would feel used by a partner who only wants sex, it’s equally true that when a man can’t control his urges for a woman, she revels in every minute of it. It’s not often people get as much undivided attention as a man gives to a woman he wants to sleep with her. After a stressful day with coworkers, a woman can feel on top of the world with an attentive mate. If she’s in a high-powered or competitive job, she might even enjoy the switch of roles that comes with not having to make the first move in a sexual encounter. It allows her to sit back and enjoy herself

    .4- Being independentWomen are notorious for nagging about their men being too busy or not paying them enough attention or spending too much time at work or with the guys. It is, of course, very important to treat a woman like a queen if you want her to stick around. However, you should recognize that if you have no other interests, hobbies or things to do, she will likely feel stifled in the relationship. Not only does your woman appreciate having space as much as you do, it is also sexy for a man to be independent and self-sufficient. A needy or unambitious mate is not attractive to most women. So, while you need to set aside time for your lady friend, making time for your career and hobbies can be just as important to a relationship

    .5- Being jealousJealousy is a very powerful emotion. Although unchecked jealousy can easily get out of hand, a touch here or there can really fan the flames of attraction. If she thought you really didn’t care about the bartender who hit on her or her coworker who has a crush on her, she’d think you didn’t care about her at all, and she’d likely find somebody else who did. When you ask the intentions of her close-working coworker or probe into her relationship with her personal trainer, she may chide you for your overactive imagination, but it’s certain that she’s smiling on the inside. Remember: When it comes to jealousy, a little will go a long, long way, so use it very sparingly. Be aware of its power and allure: She can get really hot over a man who’s protective of her assets

    .6- Showing occasional vulnerabilityEverybody likes feeling needed sometimes, and since women aren’t often in the position where they can protect their boyfriends, it’s nice to see you need help in other ways. For instance, she may gripe that you need more socks or she’ll complain that you always forget to pick up your dry cleaning or that you always need help picking out your tie/shirt ensemble.
    It may sound silly, but sometimes helping you out in these little ways can make a woman feel good and more attracted to you. It’s not that she wants to be your mommy -- that’s likels to be your mommy -- that’s likely the last thing on her mind. It’s just that if you need help and she can offer it, she’ll feel powerful, helpful and important. Men seem to think that they need to be an untouchable hero figure to be attractive to women, but that’s just not true. A little hint of helplessness makes you somewhat vulnerable, and most women can’t wait to sweep in and help.
    Feel like going for a grab when she’s wearing those tight jeans? She might just like

    7- Hiding your feelingsShe may always complain that she doesn’t know what you’re thinking; she may ask to talk about your relationship or your day at work. It seems like she is always asking for you to pour your heart out so that she can know your innermost feelings. You know that women talk to their girlfriends about all their ups and downs, and especially about their worries. Likewise, it would probably be easier for her to know the score if you told her exactly how you were feeling.
    Sometimes, however, the fact that you’re a little bit mysterious or elusive can be a major turn-on. Half the fun is figuring out how to crack the case. Women enjoy the challenge of figuring out what you’re thinking without having to be told. So keep it a mystery; share the important stuff, and don’t feel pressured to give it all up when she asks you to. She might not hate it as much as you think.

    8- Occasionally objectifying herWomen want to be respected for their brains and abilities, just like men do. They also want a handshake for a job well done, and they want a promotion when it’s due. But if a woman’s looking smoking-hot, she wants some attention for it. Of course, this depends heavily on circumstance and the relationship with those attention-givers.
    But when it comes to a man she digs, that woman will not mind having her assets checked out. Women enjoy a compliment, just like men do. When it comes to looks, there are few better compliments than a man whose gaze wanders south of a woman’s face or strays to watch her walk away. Even a crude compliment will go miles from a trusted source. So don’t think you have to be squeaky-clean or even upstanding to get her attention. If you notice her, she’ll be flattered, and flattery will get you everywhere.don’t be on your best behaviorThe bottom line is that, although a woman who nags you is usually being sincere (it’s very likely that she’s actually annoyed when you leave crumbs on the table or don't pick up your socks), if you actually complied with what she said she wanted, she’d miss the old you.

    These behaviors generally fall into two camps: those that make you who you are, and those that reveal your attraction to her. Since we know women like attention, and since women like men, it’s likely that she smiles to herself when she thinks of you and your quirky antics. So don’t always take what she says at face value; in most cases, she actually likes you for you.


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